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He found him in a desert land, and in the waste land,

a howling wilderness; He encircled him, He instructed him,

He kept him as the apple of his eye. (Deut 32:10) KJV

Who did the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob find in the wilderness? Who did He send back to his own people to lead them out of Egypt? Moses was born in Egypt. King Pharaoh heard from His astrologers that a deliverer was born and tried to kill the deliverer of Israel. After 40 years of living in the Kings palace, Moses became an Egyptian. Yet he still knew about the calling on his life. He, in an attempt to fulfill the prophecy for his life, killed an Egyptian. This did not turn out as he had expected. He had to flee and went to live in Median. Here he married and forgot about the call on His life. Although he was a highly literate and skilled man he became an ordinary shepherd tending sheep for 40 years. It was during one of his days in the dessert that God called his humbled man, whose dreams has been shattered 40 years ago.

Most of the men of God who had been called by God were called after it seemed that those plans that they had dreamt of had died and became ashes. Consider Joseph, who were sold and rejected by his own brothers. He was even thrown in prison for more than two years. Even Abraham had to give up the dream which God had given him. Only after 22 years of waiting for the promise of God did God give him the son of promise.

On the 4th of July 2000 I had a dream. This dream would be the beginning of a path of finding the Father of our Lord Yahshua the Messiah, His Son and the Holy Spirit. 

Those First Years

Up until that day, I only knew the Lord in an impersonal way. Although I knew Him from the time I was a boy and had basically grown up going to church every Sunday. I still did not know Him as a personal and living God.

In the year 1991, while studying as a student in Engineering at the University of Pretoria, the Lord, through another very radical group of students, started reeling me in again. For 8 years I was in an evangelical church. Here I learnt many things, which would lead to my growth in the knowledge of the word of God. I also learnt many other things which were not correct biblically. I lived a very legalistic lifestyle, for which I would give up my life and in that way also prevent myself from growing in the business sector. I learnt the good with the bad. After two years of being a part of this ministry I became a leader. I was not a natural leader and even feared responsibility. I was given the responsibility of mentoring and discipling 5 younger disciples. We strongly held to what we called the Jethro-principle. The entire church was divided into a network of people who were taught by those under them. As a matter of fact the whole world was divided into this amazing top-down structure. You were not allowed to date or marry a girl from another denomination. I was fully convinced that this was how it was suppose to be.

After about 5 years I became a zone leader. I was responsible for 3 - 4 little cells. I was responsible for about thirty people's spiritual well being. The accountability was strict and harsh. We had to meet people every day and share our faith with them. We had to teach them and make them into disciples. This was a continues process, which slowly made my heart become hard and stale. I used to explain it like this: "The water was still coming out of the water hose, but the tap had long ago being closed!" It was only a matter of time when the "disciple" found out he was not doing all these things for God, but for man.

I started challenging leadership. I was once even used as an example as a revolutionist for Christ, but even this could not change this large organization. I attempted to change the system, but only found myself getting discouraged and angered.

But I did learn some awesome things from that group of people. I learnt what commitment to Yahshua the Messiah meant. Yes, even commitment to death. I also learnt commit to save the lost. From the time I started in 1991 to the time I left in 1999, that denomination had planted churches all over South Africa and the world. Looking back, those few zealous "disciples" planted one church in every country in the world from 1979 to the year 2000. They grew from 30 disciples to 250 000 people, having a church in nearly every large city in the world. And to crown all of this, they never knew about the power and leading of the Holy Spirit.

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I Will Draw You

No man can come to me,

except the Father which hath sent me draw him:

(John 6:44) KJV

I had lived under the most zealous and yet most hurt people. After 8 years I became despondent and fell into a deep depression. I had given up all that I had in order to live for the Lord Yahshua the Messiah, but all seemed empty and futile. I had grown lonely and lost in this maze of religion and knowledge of the Lord and His word. Was God dead or have I just missed it? Still fully convinced what I was taught was the truth, I tore myself away from the only "truth" I knew at that stage of my life. I even believed that I was losing my salvation leaving this church.

For six months I would not think about religion, and wouldn't allow my mind to wander to those things of God which had made me miserable.

It was during that time - even in my sin, as I opposed God, that I knew that He alone had the answers. Where do you start to search in this maze of religion? I had come to know many different denominations and what they believed. I had to, because I had to know their weaknesses and their doctrines in order to convert them to become "disciples" in my denomination.

I was reminded of one particular church and its people. I have heard of some one who once said that the Lord Yahshua had led him to our house - even though I never told him how to get to our place. Could it be? Could it be possible to still hear the God of the Old Testament speak to man?

Up until that time I was convinced that only the apostles and their closest followers would experience those wonderful things, but were convinced it had stopped when the bible was written. I used to believe that the gifts of the Holy Spirit came only to usher in the coming of the kingdom of God and to start the church of Yahshua the Messiah on the earth. I was also fully convinced that the purpose of the gifts of the Holy Spirit was fulfilled and we would therefore have no more need for them anymore. I even strongly oppose anyone who would believe they were speaking in tongues, saying that they made it up. The sad part was that those who were considered to be from the Pentecostal denominations couldn't prove from the scripture that I was wrong. I found them to have a great inability to use the scriptures.

It is true that God opposes or frustrates the proud, but gives grace to the humble (James 4:6). Finally I was willing to listen to those whom I have refused to listen to. I visited a very small church. The first day I walked into the church one of the pastors met me and said: "I can see that you have been very hurt by the church!" I thought to myself: "Is it that evident that everybody could see it written on my face?" It was only later that this pastor would tell me how he, the moment he saw me, had seen a vision of a glass box with a large label written over it: "FRAGILE!" God told him that I was fragile and broken by religion. This vision gave him the wisdom to help me. Praise God who can still today reveal the secrets of our hearts.

It was during this time, in this small church, that I had a dream. I was studying the word of God in order to find the truth about the Holy Spirit. That same night, the Lord appeared to me in a dream:

I had a dream consisting of different parts: In the first dream: I saw a large, black, shiny spider, coming out of the roof, directly above the place which I was sitting. I was afraid and thought to myself: "I will crush this spider, hitting it with a pillow!" But deep on the inside of me, some one told me not to be afraid, but to allow this spider to climb on top of me. I obeyed this voice, but turned my back towards the spider. I imagined how this ugly, black spider, would get on my back. I could feel shivers going down my back.

In the second dream: While I was driving in my father's old kombi, I was playing with a small rugby ball. Suddenly, the ball fell out of the Kombi. Although it was night time, I could see the rugby ball bounced on the sand. It rolled until it came to a stand still. I made the driver stop in order to go and fetch the ball. As I approached the ball, it started bouncing again. I was greatly surprised. It seemed like this ball was hostile to me, spinning sand into my eyes. Again something deep within me told me that this was demonic. I rebuked the ball in the Name of Yahshua. It stopped immediately!

At that same moment, I heard music coming out of heaven. I looked up and saw a soft yellow light shining through the darkness. I expected to see angels coming out of heaven. As I looked I saw the golden outline of a priest in the night sky? When I saw Him I knew who He was. It was the Holy Spirit. I had mixed feelings. I was skeptical and yet longed for him in my life. Without being able to resist Him, He drew me to Him, up into the air. I lifted from the ground, unable to touch the ground. Suddenly, we swirled around one another. He around me I around Him. (Deut 32:10) It was as if we were doing a love dance in the heavens. As we were twirling around one another, the Priest changed into a Father. His hand touched my hand. At that moment I felt the texture of His hand. He had large hands, like that of a hard working man, full of callousses. His hand reminded me of my father's hand. When His hand touched my hand, I experienced the love of the Father flowing through me. Then, with the greatest dearness, concern and compassion, He said my name. I woke up weeping because of the Love which the Father has for me!

A week later an old friend interpreted this dream to me: I used to be in a denomination which opposed the Holy Spirit, because of their ignorance. This caused me to be suspicious and skeptical towards the Gift of the Holy Spirit. But God was drawing me to Himself. He was drawing me with cords of love that no man can break. He drew me even beyond my understanding and pre-conceived ideas. God overcame all my fears and ignorance.

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The Wilderness...

What do you consider a wilderness? A term more relatable to me and you is a maze. Have you ever been lost in the city on your way to some place? Have you felt that feeling of confusion and being misguided or being deceived?

Most people who love God have become frustrated, because the word of God doesn't seem to work anymore. You heard about miracles and healings, but the fact is, you don't really see them materialize in your life. This is what Yahshua told us about 2000 years ago: "And because lawlessness will be increased, the love of the many will be made cold. (Mat 24:12) KJV

Because of many things the love of many has grown cold. People have been appalled by religion and anything which is connected with Christianity and God. This was also what Paul has prophesied would happen: that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, traitors, heady, high-minded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away. (2Ti 3:1-5) KJV

The Holy Spirit told Paul though people would be religious, they would not have the true power of God. Many are serving God with good intentions, but have grown tired of trying and have given up along the way. They have said like Gideon once said: "Where is the God who led the Israelites through the red sea?" Are these only stories which happened for a chosen remnant and would never occur again? Or even worse: "May be there is no God!" Over 80% of Europe has given God up as a myth. No wonder the crusaders killed people in the name of religion. Yahshua also warned that this would happen: But an hour is coming that every [one] having killed you shall think he is offering sacred service to God. (John 16:2b) Many have done atrocious deeds in the name of religion. So much so, that those who do want to follow Yahshua the Messiah, do not know where to turn to anymore.

We have something like 2000 different denominations in Christian religion alone. If I was a Muslim I would not know my left arm from my right. By the way: Muslim means: "Devoted to God!" But which one?

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A Perfect Religion.

In my search for the truth I stopped saying who is right, but what is right! You will always find some one to agree with you, but who will agree with God? After many years of experience with different denominations I finally decided to start my own church.

That same night I had a dream: I was in the sea and discovered a beautiful ship which sank many hundreds of years ago. I saw the magnificent wood work of this, once, master of the seas. The ship was perfectly suspended in the water. It neither sank nor appeared above the surface of the water. I considered myself blessed to have been able to stumble upon this awesome treasure. I reached out my hand to touch this ship. I must have just touched it, when it immediately lost its perfect suspension in the water and started to sink deeper into the sea. I watched as this ship, which was perfectly persevered for hundreds of years, crashed into the ocean bottom, breaking up into thousands of pieces, because I touched it.

I was once told. If you are looking for a perfect church do should not join any church, because then it would not be perfect anymore. This not to say that we can not question the things which are taught in church, but it is the attitude with which you do it. In the book of Acts God referred to a noble people: These were more noble than those in Thessalonica, in that they received the word with all readiness of mind, and searched the scriptures daily, whether those things were so. (Act 17:11) KJV

We are allowed to test any man words to see if what they are saying is from God. If the Bereans were concidered noble in God's eyes for searching the scripture, to see if what Paul said was true, we should also test what any teacher of the scriptures teaches.

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The Perfect Balance..

We often learn the most basic lessons in the most interesting places. I had experienced both sides of the coin. I have been part of an Evangelical church for 8 years and after that I have been part of a Charismatic church for another 4 years and after that a Pentacostal church for another 4 years. One day while showering, as I was speaking to the Lord Yahshua the Messiah about those things, which had happened over a period of 8 years, I turned around in the shower and bumped the shower tap. Suddenly I was standing in an ice cold shower. It was at that moment that the Holy Spirit spoke to me saying: "Just like this water is to cold to shower and just as it would be impossible to shower in seering hot water the water need to be set in balance in order to be able to shower. So in the same way if a church is foccused only on the cold hard facts of the word of God or are only focussed on the spiritual it would be a religion without balance. God is not looking for a church who are so super spiritual that they are no earthly good, neither is He looking for a church who are like the teachers of the law laying heavy burderns on people's shoulders, but not lifting a finger to lighten the burden on the disciples necks. Of them the words that Yahshua said is true: Ye blind guides, which strain at a gnat, and swallow a camel. Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For ye make clean the outside of the cup and of the platter, but within they are full of extortion and excess. (Mat 23:24-25) KJV

But rather Yahshua said this: "So having gone, learn what it is, what this means, 'I desire mercy and not sacrifice,' for I did not come to call righteous people, but sinners to repentance." [Hosea 6:6] (Mat 9:13) ALT

And:

"Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, because I am gentle and humble in heart, 'and you will find rest for your souls. "For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light." (Matt 11:29-30) ALT The true word of God has both power and sets us free.

Since the time of the apostles many wolves has come to lead many disciples after them. The Word was not available to all people and was written in a languege which the ordinary man could not understand. But since the time of Martin Luther this was changed and restored. A great revelution of the truths of the Word of God started being restored. Since the later 1600's many truths started being re-discovered. Individuals all over the world who devoted themselves to seeking God found great revelations.

The sad truth is that many of these individuals in there ignorance and selfishness thought that they were the only ones who were right. In many ways we can not blame them for feeling like they did. For they all had some new revelation which would change the way that we would understand God and his character.

Since the discovery of the dead sea scrolls many more truths had been revealed which went missing during the times of the translation of the scriptures. But God's own word has the answer to the interpreation of the Holy scriptures: Knowing this first, that no prophecy of the scripture is of any private interpretation. For the prophecy came not in old time by the will of man: but holy men of God spake as they were moved by the Holy Ghost. (2 Pet 1:20-21) KJV

Thus through only mere study of the scriptures no man will be able to fully comprehend the deep truths of God's word. God said once through the Holy Spirit: "And He made from one blood every nation of human beings to be living on all the face of the earth, having designated times having been appointed [for them] and the boundaries of their habitation, [in order for them] to be seeking the Lord, if perhaps they might grope for Him and find [Him], and yet He is not far from each one of us. (Act 17:26-27) ALT

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Are We Now so Foolish...

Paul said to the Galatians: "You are so foolish! Having begun in [or, by] [the] Spirit, are you now being completed [or, perfected] in [or, by] the flesh? (Gal 3:3) ALT

We should pray and ask God what is the interpretation of a scripture. This is especially true when it comes to the interpretation of the prophecies about the things to come. Only God knows the end from the beginning. Why not ask Him the interpretation to the scriptures also. If Daniel could ask God the interpretation to the King Nebuchadnezzar's dream, why can't we also ask God His personal opinion? Did not John the apostle say: "These things I wrote to you concerning the ones leading you astray [fig., deceiving you]. And the anointing which you received from Him abides in you. And you have no need that anyone should be teaching you, but as that same anointing teaches you concerning all [things], and is true and is not a lie, and just as it taught you, you will abide in Him. (1Jn 2:26-27) ALT

Why do we not allow the Anointing to teach us the truth about the word of God?

Personally I believe many denominations and churches each one has a piece of the puzzle. God has allowed each one to discover a piece of the truth. We should all learn from one another and not be critical of another saying: "I have the perfect doctrine!"

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I am Standing at the Door Knocking...

Be humble and be willing to acknowledge that I might not know it all. Make room for God to show you His truth and character through another brother or sister who do not believe what you believe. Be open to learn. Be willing to say I am could be wrong and remember even the prophets didn't understand everything: "Of which salvation the prophets have enquired and searched diligently, who prophesied of the grace that should come unto you: Searching what, or what manner of time the Spirit of Christ which was in them did signify, when it testified beforehand the sufferings of Christ, and the glory that should follow. (1Pe 1:10-11) KJV

God will find those in this wilderness of confusion if you will only earnestly seek him in humillity.

Love in Christ our Lord

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