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Fasting Journal 2002:

 

Part 10 - No Discipline seems pleasant at the Time...

Being a Project Engineer

You are the head not the tail

Zeal for your house will consume me

The Prayers of the Persecuted:

 

 

No Discipline seems pleasant at the Time...

Posted on 14 December, 2009 by "the witness"

11 March - 14 April 2002

Part 10

11 When we are punished, it seems to us at the time something to make us sad, not glad.

Later, however, those who have been disciplined by such punishment

reap the peaceful reward of a righteous life.

(Heb12:11) GNB

Being a Project Engineer

On the 23rd of March 2002, I had a dream. In my dream I am appointed as a junior engineer. I was given the responsibility to build a large plant and I was made the project engineer. In my dream I walked up a steep meandering, gravel road. As I looked at this meandering road I realized that the road had to be made broader. I also saw that some trees would have to be taken out first. On the way up the road, I saw a large reddish-grey rubbish truck, coming down the gravel road. It's was breaking off trees, by its downward momentum, that looked like they were standing on the side of the road. The truck broadened the road by breaking the trees out of the way. I made some calculations and found a large cypress trees that was standing on a certain corner also had to be removed. The truck driver, wanted to change direction, but I instructed him to remove this tree also. He changed his course and completely removed the cypress tree, which was standing in the way of the road that had to be built. As we walked back I was overwhelmed by this large project or assignment, which I was given. Then the man said to me that it was part of the job description and that I had to first do these things, then the rest would fall into place. As I woke up the next morning the Lord gave me the scripture, saying: Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious and troubled [with cares ] about your life, as to what you will [have to ] eat; or about your body, as to what you will [have to ] wear. 23 For life is more than food, and the body [more ] than clothes. 24 Observe and consider the ravens; for they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn; and [yet ] God feeds them. Of how much more worth are you than the birds! 25 And which of you by being overly anxious and troubled with cares can add a cubit to his stature or a moment [unit ] of time to his age [the length of his life ]? 26 If then you are not able to do such a little thing as that, why are you anxious and troubled with cares about the rest? 27 Consider the lilies, how they grow. They neither [wearily ] toil nor spin nor weave; yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory (his splendor and magnificence) was not arrayed like one of these. [I Kings 10:4-7. ] 28 But if God so clothes the grass in the field, which is alive today, and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, how much more will He clothe you, O you [people ] of little faith? 29 And you, do not seek [by meditating and reasoning to inquire into ] what you are to eat and what you are to drink; nor be of anxious (troubled) mind [unsettled, excited, worried, and in suspense ]; 30 For all the pagan world is [greedily ] seeking these things, and your Father knows that you need them. 31 Only aim at and strive for and seek His kingdom, and all these things shall be supplied to you also. 32 Do not be seized with alarm and struck with fear, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom! 33 Sell what you possess and give donations to the poor; provide yourselves with purses and handbags that do not grow old, an unfailing and inexhaustible treasure in the heavens, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. 34 For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

When God calls people to become co-workers with Him, there is always a process of cleansing, building and breaking. We were called us on the 9th of May 2001. One year later, just after fast, with great eagerness, we wanted to start to do all that God had called us to fulfil, but found out that we were not ready. God is more interested in you than in what you can do for Him. He actually does not need the help of any man. God also knows the heart of man, that: "The heart is deceitful above all things, and it is exceedingly perverse and corrupt and severely, mortally sick! Who can know it [perceive, understand, be acquainted with his own heart and mind ]? [Matt. 13:15-17; Mark 7:21-23; Eph. 4:20-24. ] 10 I the Lord search the mind, I try the heart, even to give to every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his doings. (Jer 17:9-10 Ampl)

God knows those weaknesses and hidden strongholds, which we have not yet dealt with. Man can not change himself. God questioned Job, a righteous man in all the earth, testing and purifying him, saying: [If you can do all this, Job, proving yourself of divine might ] then will I [God ] praise you also [and acknowledge that ] your own right hand can save you. (Job 40:14 Ampl) God humbled Job, proving to him that that he can not, by his own righteousness, save himself. We some times we forget that God was the one who called us and He alone will bring His work, which He first, out of His initiative, started and will bring to completion.

Although it was my desire to work fulltime for the Lord Yahshua the Messiah, preparing the way before Him, He had to first prepare the way before me. Purifying and boarding my vision. Not long after that time my brother and I had a great disagreement and God allowed Satan to push a great wedge between us. We were separate for a period of 4 years. I did not even know where my brother was. After about one year that my brother and friend left, I started working again. My faith had dwindled and I did not understand why God allowed us to be separated. I started working for a medical company and worked with them for a period of 1.5 years. This was a great time of testing and refining. Being a very analytical person I became frustrated with the monotonous, 6-12 hour work shifts, I had to do. That which God had called us to fulfil now seemed far and out of reach. After 1.5 years of working in this profession, one day, I prayed very earnestly to the Lord. I my prayed I honestly told the Lord Yahshua that I wanted to be in the fulltime ministry, serving Him, with all my life, but I said to Him, but only if it was His will. I also said to the Lord if He wanted me to return to that, which I had graduated in, working as an engineer, I was willing, just as Yahshua said to the Father: " My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass away from Me; nevertheless, not what I will [not what I desire ], but as You will and desire."

This was a great test and step of faith, because I opened my heart to lay down my will and plans, submitting to God's will, if His plan was different from that which I had in mind for myself. Within a week, one of the doctor's secretary's brothers phoned me. He was the contracts manager for a large construction company. He was the area manager over Western Africa. We had an interview, and over a period of 3 months of negotiations, I was appointed. The prospects looked very promising, but I was overwhelmed by the responsibility. To make matters worse - I was appointed, but not given any proper induction or training, preparing me for this job. I was sent to a site in South Africa. There I was appointed with great suspicion and under adverse circumstances. In whatever position I was placed I did my best. I worked hard, though the learning curve was steep. I was not only in a new environment, but I had to learn another discipline. I had qualified as a chemical engineer, now I was appointed a quality engineer in a mechanical environment. I had to go through great adaptations. I was often treated with contempt and scorn. I was also seen as a great thread to the site manager, not that I had the experience to do his job, nor desired to take his responsibility. I was thrown into a hard core construction environment, which was the most difficult part of the test. I had to build relationships with people who cared very little about religion or about God.

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You are the head not the tail

One night, while being on site, I had a dream. In my dream I was running. Infront of me was a powerful black horse, also running. This dream was the same as the word that came to the prophet Isaiah, when God rebuked him, when he complained against God, saying: 1 UNCOMPROMISINGLY RIGHTEOUS and rigidly just are You, O Lord, when I complain against and contend with You. Yet let me plead and reason the case with You: Why does the way of the wicked prosper? Why are all they at ease and thriving who deal very treacherously and deceitfully? 2 You have planted them, yes, they have taken root; they grow, yes, they bring forth fruit. You are near in their mouths but far from their hearts. 3 But You, O Lord, know and understand me and my devotion to You; You see me and try my heart toward You. [O Lord ] pull [these rebellious ones ] out like sheep for the slaughter and devote and prepare them for the day of slaughter. 4 How long must the land mourn and the grass and herbs of the whole country wither? Through the wickedness of those who dwell in it, the beasts and the birds are consumed and are swept away [by the drought ], because men [mocked ] me, saying, He shall not [live to ] see our final end.

5 [But the Lord rebukes Jeremiah's impatience, saying ] If you have raced with men on foot and they have tired you out, then how can you compete with horses? And if [you take to flight ] in a land of peace where you feel secure, then what will you do [when you tread the tangled maze of jungle haunted by lions ] in the swelling and flooding of the Jordan? 6 For even your brethren and the house of your father--even they have dealt treacherously with you; yes, even they are [like a pack of hounds ] in full cry after you. Believe them not, though they speak fair words and promise good things to you. (Jer 12:1-6 Ampl)

In my dream I started to catch up with this great black horse, which was running at full speed. I saw the hind legs, as the horse was running at full speed. I started to over take this horse from behind. In my dream, I feared that its powerful hind legs would kick me in the stomach or face and I would be injured or even killed. But some how, I do not know how, I came past these powerful hind legs, kicking backwards, with great strength, as the horse was running. As I was running next to the black horse, I could see the size of the horse's body. I was about to over take this horse, when the horse started to force me towards a concrete wall on my righthand. I knew that this horse would crush me, if I was caught between the body of the horse and the concrete wall, but I kept running. I my dream, I overtook the horse, even though I do not know how. As I past the body of the horse I saw the head of the horse next to me, still running. I woke up. As I woke up I asked the Lord what this could mean. Then the word of the Lord came to me, saying: "You are the head and not the tail!"

During my 6 months on this site I was treated like a worm, I was accused of many things and verbally abused, even infront of colleagues. This was a very humbling process and experience. One morning, as I was about to climb out of my car, before work, the Lord spoke to me in a nearly audible voice, saying: "I just want to say to you: "I love you My friend!" I fell back into my car, as I was about to climb out of my car. I started to weep. I have always had a soft heart, weeping and hurting very easily. As I sat back in the car I thought to myself: "Why would God say this to me?" Suddenly I knew that I was about to be tested and refined with fire. God came and warned me and to strengthen me for what was about to happen. As I walked in that morning, an envelope was given me. I was called to a disciplinary hearing. I was found guilty three times and now the final step was a disciplinary hearing. In the hearing it became apparent that management thought that I was a family member of the contacts manager who appointed me. Only then did I realize how difficult it was to get into this company unless you know some one in the company. Then I also realized God had supernaturally opened doors for me to be appointed in this large company. I was found guilty and given a final written warning. I had to appeal within three days, otherwise I excepted quilt. God told me not to appeal. I was pushed into a corner and was about to be crushed by the site manager, who wanted to get rid of me. After my defence, the chair person of the disciplinary hearing realized that something was not right and realized that I was constructively being dismissed. By God's grace, during that time, even the contracts engineer of the client, for whom our company was subcontracting, realized foul play and also came to my defence. In a contracts meeting, infront of all present he said that the quality of work, which I have produced for him was acceptable, even saying that he did not want another quality engineer to do this work. By this, God turned the accusations me against back against my accusers and vindicated me. Not long after, I was offered a position at head office and became a procurement engineer.

I was closer to home and able to see me wife every day, compared to the weekly visit I could make before, because of distance. I was given a great new manger, who was a man of integrity and character. He treated me with respect and decency. He was a good supervisor and mentor. I was entrusted with more and more responsibility, as I grew in my understanding of the work. I grew fast and I was later entrusted with 4 contracts. I was fully in charge of the procurement of all the technical and mechanicals equipment. I was given so much responsibility that I was overwhelmed by the work load. During that time my salary was increased 3 times in two short years. I had the means and the financial support I needed to move into a new rented home. God had blessed me 4 times over in this time. Truly God's word to me came to pass. Indeed "I was the head and not the tail!" After working for this company for a period of 2.5 years, God called me into that, which is my heart's desire. See the Newsletter: A Star has been born.

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Zeal for your house will consume me

After this dream on the 23 rd of March 2003, I had another dream. In my dream I was on a plot of ground on the southern side for my parent's house and cars were driving through it, as if it was a shortcut. I saw a polished, black cobra, with a very successful young man driving in it. I knew he was a rich and spoiled young man, who always got his will. He also wanted to pass through our plot, but there was a wire fence in the way, stopping him from entering. He first had to get out of his car and remove the wire. Suddenly, without warning, a light blue, 4x4, standing high on its wheels, came past this young man's cobra, not being very cautious as he drove past the cobra and through the plot of ground. He drove over the wire without much thought of any damage, because his vehicle was older and he was not afraid of scratching his car. The wire got stuck to the 4x4's bumper. The wire caught the cobra, scratching the car and the seats, totally ripping of the bonnet. I saw many other cars passing through, but no one even stopped. In my dream, I new that I would be blamed for this damage; I knew it wouldn't matter how many times I would try to defend myself, this young man would not believe that I was not responsible for the damaged to his car. I would be blamed without cause, as was written: "Those who hate me without cause are more than the hairs of my head; those who would cut me off and destroy me, being my enemies wrongfully, are many and mighty. I am [forced ] to restore what I did not steal. [John 15:25. ] (Psa 69:4 Ampl)

I prayed and inquired from the Lord regards the interpretation of this dream. The Lord gave me his word, saying: 44 The kingdom of heaven is like something precious buried in a field, which a man found and hid again; then in his joy he goes and sells all he has and buys that field. (Mat 13:44 Ampl). The plot of ground resembled the kingdom of heaven and Gods calling on our lives. It was my parent's plot of ground. This also represented my upbringing and background and calling. The 4x4, which had nothing to loose, represented my zeal for the kingdom God, as was written: And from the days of John the Baptist until the present time, the kingdom of heaven has endured violent assault, and violent men seize it by force [as a precious prize--a share in the heavenly kingdom is sought with most ardent zeal and intense exertion ]. (Mat 11:12 Ampl) My zeal for God's kingdom caused me to be in trouble many times, not because I was in the wrong or insensitive, but because I wanted to radically follow the word of the Lord Yahshua and the guidance of the Holy Spirit. This made me seem insensitive towards other people's goals and visions.

As I continued inquiring from the Lord about the interpretation of this dream, He gave me His word to His servant Malachi, saying: 1 THE BURDEN or oracle (the thing to be lifted up) of the word of the Lord to Israel by Malachi [My messenger ]. 2 I have loved you, says the Lord. Yet you say: "How and in what way have You loved us?" "Was not Esau Jacob's brother?" says the Lord; "yet I loved Jacob (Israel), 3 But [in comparison with the degree of love I have for Jacob ] I have hated Esau [Edom ] and have laid waste his mountains, and his heritage I have given to the jackals of the wilderness. [Rom. 9:13, 16. ] (Mal 1:1-3 Ampl) God have loved Jacob, but hated Esau. Why, because Esau trusted in himself and in his humanity. Although Jacob was a coward and deceitful, yet God knew that Jacob would turn and do His will; that he would realize that He needed a saviour and a helper. Even David was seen as weak by his own son Absalom, because he would not destroy his enemies, but had mercy on them. God was not looking for the strong, but the weak, God even told the prophet Isaiah, saying: " But this is the man to whom I will look and have regard: he who is humble and of a broken or wounded spirit, and who trembles at My word and reveres My commands. [John 4:24. ] God is looking for humble men who are still able to grow and learn, men who are broken and thirsty for more of Him.

God is not pleased with our false humility and religious sacrifices, even as the Lord told the prophet Malachi, saying: 6 A son honours his father, and a servant his master. If then I am a Father, where is My honour? And if I am a Master, where is the [reverent ] fear due Me?" says the Lord of hosts to you, O priests, who despise My name. You say, How and in what way have we despised Your name? 7 By offering polluted food upon My altar. And you ask, How have we polluted it and profaned You? By thinking that the table of the Lord is contemptible and may be despised. 8 When you [priests ] offer blind [animals ] for sacrifice, is it not evil? And when you offer the lame and the sick, is it not evil? Present such a thing [a blind or lame or sick animal ] now to your governor [in payment of your taxes, and see what will happen ]. Will he be pleased with you? Or will he receive you graciously? says the Lord of hosts. 9 Now then, I [Malachi ] beg [you priests ], entreat God [earnestly ] that He will be gracious to us. With such a gift from your hand [as a defective animal for sacrifice ], will He accept it or show favour to any of you? says the Lord of hosts. 10 Oh, that there were even one among you [whose duty it is to minister to Me ] who would shut the doors, that you might not kindle fire on My altar to no purpose [an empty, futile, fruitless pretence ]! I have no pleasure in you, says the Lord of hosts, nor will I accept an offering from your hand. ((Mal 1:6-10 Ampl) God is not pleased by our half heartedness and lukewarm attitudes towards serving Him, giving him defiled sacrifices of the heart. He desires us to fulfil the greatest commandment: 4 Hear, O Israel: the Lord our God is one Lord [the only Lord ]. 5 And you shall love the Lord your God with all your [mind and ] heart and with your entire being and with all your might. 6 And these words which I am commanding you this day shall be [first ] in your [own ] minds and hearts.(Deut 6:4-6 Ampl) God is looking for all your heart. We often follow God only when it pleases us and those around us. Paul in this regard, once said: "Now am I trying to win the favour of men, or of God? Do I seek to please men? If I were still seeking popularity with men, I should not be a bond servant of Christ (the Messiah). (Gal 1:10 Ampl)

After this I continued to inquire of the Lord regard the meaning and the interpretation of this dream. Then the Lord gave me His word to the prophet Zechariah, saying: 8 In that day will the Lord guard and defend the inhabitants of Jerusalem, and he who is [spiritually] feeble and stumbles among them in that day [of persecution] shall become [strong and noble] like David; and the house of David [shall maintain its supremacy] like God, like the Angel of the Lord Who is before them. 9 And it shall be in that day that I will make it My aim to destroy all the nations that come against Jerusalem. 10 And I will pour out upon the house of David and upon the inhabitants of Jerusalem the Spirit of grace or unmerited favour and supplication. God gave a great promise to those who will trust in Him against all odds and in contrast to popular opinion. They will be known as the overcomers. God will fight for them and vindicate them, even though all around them thought them to be guilty against God himself.

To conclude, God gave a prayer for those who are wrongfully going to be persecuted, even by their own households of faith, their own churches, just as Yahshua was. We must always remember the words of Paul, saying: 12 And indeed, all who want to live a godly life united with the Messiah Yahshua will be persecuted, 13 while evil people and impostors will go from bad to worse, deceiving others and being deceived themselves. (2 Tim 3:12-13) CJB

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The Prayers of the Persecuted:

19 Let not those who are wrongfully my foes rejoice over me; neither let them wink with the eye who hate me without cause. [John 15:24, 25.] 20 For they do not speak peace, but they devise deceitful matters against those who are quiet in the land. 21 Yes, they open their mouths wide against me; they say, Aha! Aha! Our eyes have seen it! 22 You have seen this, O Lord; keep not silence! O Lord, be not far from me! 23 Arouse Yourself, awake to the justice due me, even to my cause, my God and my Lord! 24 Judge and vindicate me, O Lord my God, according to Your righteousness (Your rightness and justice); and let [my foes] not rejoice over me! 25 Let them not say in their hearts, Aha, that is what we wanted! Let them not say, We have swallowed him up and utterly destroyed him. 26 Let them be put to shame and confusion together who rejoice at my calamity! Let them be clothed with shame and dishonour who magnify and exalt themselves over me! (Psa 35:19-26 Ampl)

SAVE ME, O God, for the waters have come up to my neck [they threaten my life]. 2 I sink in deep mire, where there is no foothold; I have come into deep waters, where the floods overwhelm me. 3 I am weary with my crying; my throat is parched; my eyes fail with waiting [hopefully] for my God. 4 Those who hate me without cause are more than the hairs of my head; those who would cut me off and destroy me, being my enemies wrongfully, are many and mighty. I am [forced] to restore what I did not steal. [John 15:25.] 5 O God, You know my folly and blundering; my sins and my guilt are not hidden from You. 6 Let not those who wait and hope and look for You, O Lord of hosts, be put to shame through me; let not those who seek and inquire for and require You [as their vital necessity] be brought to confusion and dishonour through me, O God of Israel. 7 Because for Your sake I have borne taunt and reproach; confusion and shame have covered my face. 8 I have become a stranger to my brethren, and an alien to my mother's children. [John 7:3-5.] 9 For zeal for Your house has eaten me up, and the reproaches and insults of those who reproach and insult You have fallen upon me. [John 2:17; Rom. 15:3.] 10 When I wept and humbled myself with fasting, I was jeered at and humiliated; 11 When I made sackcloth my clothing, I became a byword (an object of scorn) to them. (Psa 69:1-11 Ampl)

Let us pray that we do not get deceived and persecute our own bothers and sister, Let us watch and pray that we will not be deceived, for Yahshua is at the door!

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